December 2009
2 posts
Daybreakers Movie Trailer - Video - Wired →
Now this looks like how you do a good vampire movie.
Also…Ethan Hawke.
October 2009
4 posts
September 2009
3 posts
Recession Texts.
Sheila: can u pick me up some strawberry ice cream onn your way home
Me: ahah awww. I have no money/credit :( actually I prob have enough change for a single serving version! like those bars
Sheila: no thats ok!
Me: it's ok to laugh in pity
3 tags
Business ventures.
Christina: A homeless person asked me today if my pink shoelaces were because I washed them with reds.
Me: Oh yeah, because a homeless person knows a lot about washing their clothes. Burrrrrrrrn!
...
Me: I wanna make a show about going around and "burning" homeless people. A la "Punk'd".
August 2009
25 posts
4 tags
Current events fail.
Sheila: Oh shit, Reading Rainbow got canceled.
Me: I thought that shit was over hella days ago. That's like saying Pauly Shore died.
5 tags
Crustaceans.
Kevin: What's the difference between a lobster and a crab?
Michelle and I: ARE YOU FOR REAL?
Kevin: Oh god, I feel like one of those Jessica-Simpson-Chicken-of-the-Sea moments.
John Larroquette's fan club.
Me: John Larroquette has a Twitter, what? Get your old ass off there.
Sheila: Who's that?
Me: This old-ish actor. You'd know him if you saw his face.
Sheila: Who gives a shit if he has a Twitter?
Me: Shit, I guess no one. His Google hits will probably go up ten times more than it has been in years when people try to remind themselves who he is.
3 tags
Way to use that vocab.
Sheila: It's not necessarily a contact-high, but I feel like your high-ness is permeating me.
Me: Ummm...that sounds kind of sexual.
8 tags
“If I don’t get some fucking bread soon, I swear I’ll stab every...”
– Me drunk whilst receiving the predictably bad service @ ChaChaCha
7 tags
Handling telemarketers.
Phone rings.
Me: Ida, it's an 800 number-- you don't have to pick it up.
Ida: It was Blockbuster. My mom probably forgot to return something. We had James and the Giant Peach for like 7 years.
5 tags
“What an asshole. I hope”
– “What an asshole. I hope you crash your Solara.” -Sheila’s road rage
5 tags
@ Daly City In-N-Out & Krispy Kreme.
Anna: Ugghhh...there's a huge line at the drive-thru.
Me: Aw damn, well...hmmm...OH GOD I JUST HAD SUCH A FATTY THOUGHT.
Anna: What is it?
Me: Let's go through the Krispy Kreme drive-thru first so we have something to snack on while waiting in line for In-N-Out?!
Anna: That's fucked up!!!
Me: I know!! Let's do it.
2 tags
On Sexuality.
Kevin and I: So you're gay, right?
Any Bisexual Male: No, I'm bi.
Kevin and I: Oh, as in, "BY the way, I'm gay"?
2 tags
“It’s like they always say: Every cloud has a drunk lining.”
– Me after a long day
10 tags
Head Case
Headcase: Another gem I’ve discovered thanks to Netflix Instant Viewing.
The hilarious cameos alone are worth watching. Check it out!
The series opener features Jason Prietsley seeking marriage advice for him and his wife, only to have Dr. Goode barrage him with a series of are-you-gay questions. He dresses in drag and experiments with lipgloss at one point. It’s awesome.
4 tags
Michael Cera: Over His Fever?
That title: I had to, hah.
First off, check out this trailer for Paper Heart starring Charlyne Yi and Michael Cera:
Saw the movie last night— it was cute/sweet/other-adjectives-that-express-like-but-not-love. But hey, that line between “like” and “love” was the movie’s topic of discussion, so it fits. Bottom line: watch a matinee/discounted showing of it....
2 tags
4 tags
Preparing for the Future.
Kevin: Can we see a dessert menu?
Me: Ooh! That's what my HBO special should be called: "Yes, I'd Like to See a Dessert Menu"
Anna: What happened to "Fatties Can't Be Choosers"?
Me: Well, I do still like that one. I'll make it the "Fatties Can't Be Choosers" tour, and then my DVD will be called "Yes, I'd Like to See a Dessert Menu"
The reports of my death are greatly exaggerated.
In the rare case I was letting hordes of readers down (particularly those I don’t see face-to-face regularly), rest assured I’ve got a bunch of good posts in store.
I had to work full-time this week, which, if you follow my Twitter, was far too much exposure to 12-year-olds to last me a lifetime. I’ve always said I love kids but never want to have them, and I sure as hell am...
July 2009
78 posts
3 tags
Top 5 Funniest Fake Facebook Pages →
My favorite is #3, God’s Facebook.
Care to share yours?
6 tags
“Hello, Space. What’s up?
I can’t hear anything here!
I will now sing songs…
...”
– Nadia’s Haiku [tiny truant?: Haiku About Space.]
4 tags
4 tags
6 tags
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8 tags
Highlights from the California Academy of...
Yesterday was the second day in a row I’ve been to CAS (4th time since the re-opening in September), and it just never fails to entertain. I took my brother Noel for his first time at the place; I don’t think he ever came even before the remodel.
Anyway, this is the first time I’ve ever taken care to attend all the scheduled “shows”/presentations at the...
